On 26 July, me and my family were shopping in a supermarket. My husband has suggested to buy the polo bun, I told him we still have the half loaf of bread in the refrigerator. Then he put down the polo bun. Afterwards he said he was hungry, I suggested him we find something to eat at the food court. But he said it would be a waste of money. On the way back home, he said he want to buy a burger. I told him let me make sandwich with the loaf of bread that we had. Then he said no need. He will make a cup of coffee. Then I said I will buy the burger for you. Then he said: “Let’s go back and eat your bread since you has been fussing about it”. After I heard him said I am fussy about the bread, I am so angry and my emotion start to boil. When I reached home, I threw a big tantrum and throw away the half loaf of bread and throw the plastic container to the floor loudly. I proceed to clean the toilet angrily and making a lot of noise. Afterwards I went to buy the burger my husband wants. Then I sat down with him and told him that I feel angry when he use the word “fussy” on me. I said he is the one that said want to save money, then since we still have the bread, then we should eat the bread instead of wasting it.
If I have heard his request of he don’t want to eat that loaf of bread, or if he told me so, we could have brought some bread and eating together happily. I have blamed him for not telling me he don’t want to eat the stale bread, but I am also playing a role by not able to understand what is his need and request.
In Non-violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg, it states that the language that we used to speak is a form of life-alienating communication. We always do not get the respond we wanted from our listeners because the way we speaking to each other does not deliver our own needs. Our speech may sounds like a judgement, discrimination, or blame.
By reading this book, I am able to see the needs behind the words when people talking to me, and giving myself empathy.
The NVC comprises 4 components, namely:
a. Observation
b. Feeling
c. Needs
d. Request
The basic NVC form is:
When a, I feel like b, because I am needing c. Therefore now I would like to d.
Relating back to the above situation, when I keep mentioning about the bread, he can say:
When I heard you mentioning about the loaf of stale bread, I feel disappointed because I have problem eating the bread. The bread is hard and my braces makes me difficult to bite. I need to eat softer food. Therefor now I would like to have a burger.
Or when I heard my husband said I am “fussy”, I can say:
When I heard you calling my fussy, I feel sad because I feel disrespected. I heard that you want to save money that is why I suggested to eat the bread at home. Therefore now I would like you to speak to me with respect. We can buy the burger you want when we reach the burger shop.
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